Paper Ball
A small thin sheet — Paper white — Floats freely on the wind Across asphalt black — I watch and admire. I grab the sheet in shaken hand With pen I draw, write, scribble, and This empty canvas — From clear, calm — Turns a darkened cloud. My tears drip rain, Smear and stain, In lightning vain and thunderous shame I crumple — Toss it to the ground. This now wrinkled ball Lifeless, small — Too heavy for the wind — Struggles to find Free flight again. After the storm clears, I pick up the ball Saddened, soaked, Looking defeated — A crinkle of hope remains. Gently, I uncrumple — Unraveling to a lightened shape, Finding myself again — Though, creased and marred I see what was, and what could be. I take to a frame, Glowing in different light, No longer ashamed or frightened — Flying to new heights, I smile — I look and admire.
This poem is about many things. Manic episodes and depression, self-esteem, confidence, and reworking failed dreams. It’s about trying and failing and trying again. It’s about finding yourself amongst the chaos.
I found this poem again after I published my book, Between The Dark and The Light. I’m a little sad that it isn’t in there, but maybe it will end up in a second or special edition — or a completely different book! Recently, I looked at it again while considering what poems I wanted to share on here.
When I first wrote this poem, I was in a dark place and naturally, it ended on darkness. It works well and I could leave it alone. However, I thought, what if I could end it on a lighter note? The poem above is the result. Below, you can read the original version.
Paper Ball v.1
A small thin sheet —
Paper white —
Floats freely on the wind
Across asphalt black —
I watch and admire.
I grab the sheet in shaken hand
With pen I draw, write, scribble, and
This empty canvas —
From clear, calm —
Turns a darkened cloud.
My tears drip rain,
Smear and stain,
In lightning vain and thunderous shame
I crumple —
Toss it to the ground.
This now wrinkled ball
Lifeless, small —
Too heavy for the wind —
Struggles to find
Free flight again.I don’t typically change or add to poems after I decide they’re done. I’ll go through some revisions when I first write them, but not much more. Like a photographer, I get the initial shot and then do some tweaking in post-processing to get the image just right. However, some shots are great just the way they are. It kind of depends.
Let me know which version you like best.
As always, thanks for reading!
I really appreciate the depth of emotion in both versions. The imagery is strong, and I love how the paper ball serves as a metaphor for resilience, self-reflection, and transformation. The revised version has a beautiful arc of hope, but I find the rawness of the original version particularly powerful. It captures the weight of emotions in their purest form. There's something striking about letting that moment of struggle just exist without needing to resolve it. Either way, both versions tell a compelling story, and it’s interesting to see how a shift in perspective can reshape the narrative. I am curious of your thought process on when you had revisited the poem. Did you immediately feel the need to change the ending or did it take time to settle into that choice?
William, this was such a novel way to describe all the complex feelings you were experiencing. Beautiful! 💜